He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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