Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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