Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
