Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
