i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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