I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
do herpes really smell.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
