I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
