all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
