While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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