Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
