..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
