We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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