I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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