I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
