Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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