I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
