i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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