I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
