Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
