I'm drive I can fine osifer
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
