I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
