you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Randomize
