Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
