ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
