I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I lost the right to judge tonight
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
