oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
