Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize