so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Randomize
