the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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