I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
