I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
