I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
