Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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