i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
