Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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