i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
