We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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