I swear she didn't look like that last week.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize