He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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