Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
