We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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