Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
