Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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