i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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