are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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