I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He? As in you personified your dick?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
