There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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