dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
