let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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