Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Can I color on your dick again?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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