I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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