My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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