Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I faked an abortion last night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
