You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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