Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I came so hard my ears popped.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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