where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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