if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize