it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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