I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
