I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
