I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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