drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
