Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
