her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
