You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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