I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
