I must be too annoying 4 u.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
