uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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