Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
