The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
