Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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