I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
